Once Again Abigail

Dark Waters

2010-07-06T12:26:00.005+07:00

Sometimes the distance to the surface becomes too great; you've looked to the direction you thought was up and realize you no longer see light. And those dark, dark waters that you fought mightily against have held you down for so long, you can no longer keep out the blackness that steals into your lungs. Those cold fingers grip you so tightly, and those icy arms hold you so utterly lost, that you long for the relief of giving up.
You can feel it, like a forgotten word on the tip of your tongue, and you want it, you want it so much, and it consumes you, more than this battle, more than this life you held onto, and more then the life you could have had.
Your breathing slows, your body stills, and the hopelessness swallows you whole as you slip away.
Nothing ever disappears, nothing is ever made right; restored to what it was before. There's no magic to make the poison go away; the land of milk and honey has been laid to waste, and that is all the eye can see.
So why not let go?

I thought I had lost you

2010-05-11T13:00:00.001+07:00

And finding you again is sweeter than any other reconciliation.

I am back home.

Happy.

My

2007-03-08T12:16:00.000+07:00

Samson

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

I have to go, I have to go

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed

Not much hair left on his head

He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed

And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us

And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads

But they're just old light, they're just old light

Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed

Told me that my hair was red

Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed

Oh I cut his hair myself one night

A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light

And he told me that I'd done alright

and kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light

and he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed

not much hair left on his head

Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed

Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down

Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one

And history books forgot about us

And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall

Take a deep breath and count to 3

2007-03-07T14:31:00.000+07:00

I just have to remember that this is not really what it is.

You are the most dramatic person I've ever encountered.
You are trying to get a rise out of me.
I don't have to respond to it.

I feel better.

Friends VS. Family

2007-02-10T16:29:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I would like to say No.
I would like to say "No. I'm not going to do that.
"No. I'm not going to do your dirty work, or cover for you. And I'm not going to pretend it's okay.
"No. I don't think I will go do what you told me to do today, because I am tired of being walked over, treated poorly, and taken advantage of. In fact, maybe I don't think I'll do it ever again.
"No. I'm not going to accept your excuses instead of an apology.
No."

But instead I say yes.
And I keep my rotten job
My selfish "friends"
And this unhappy life
Serving you.

2006-10-15T07:00:00.000+07:00

Been a long time, but I'll update you soon...

Family Prayer Letter

2006-09-21T20:54:00.000+07:00

21 Sept 2006

Dear Family and Friends,

We never get bored out here!

Several of you have e-mailed us asking if we are safe with the military coup that went on a couple nights ago in next-door Thailand. Joel’s brother Steve is in Bangkok at a conference and our mother Joyce and friend Ann Greve happened to be there across town at doctors appointments when it all took place. So thank you so much for thinking of our family and for your prayers. The military there seized control of the entire nation but the show of force is especially concentrated in Bangkok. Thankfully, it has been a bloodless coup. Tanks are still in Bangkok streets and troops are at key places. Joyce and Ann hold up in the hospital which, all things considered, is an excellent place to be in this situation! The TV channels, etc there have been closed down by the military there and we got a text message yesterday morning from Ann asking us if we could tell them what was happening there. Since then we’ve been monitoring the situation from here in Cambodia and phoning and texting them we're seeing here on CNN etc. Things are settling down there under martial law now the military has imposed. We hear gatherings of more than five people are banned and the press is still restricted in what can be reported there. They say the international press coverage on CNN, etc gets cut off there whenever reports of the coup comes on. Steve, Joyce and Ann will be part of the big stream of foreigners heading for the airport to leave Thailand as soon as they can get on flights out.

After many decades of war in this region the countries here have powerful militaries but weak democratic systems. So this is not the first coup our family has gone through out here. Hopefully the last though.

Partners International has affiliates around the world and one called CNEC SE Asia from Singapore has staff ministering in northern Thailand. According to the news there has been no violence but continue to pray for the people and the situation there.

Please pray for peace in Thailand and for all our friends and family.

Grace and PEACE,

Joel & Ali Copple

2006-09-14T10:07:00.000+07:00

"An Eye for an Eye makes the whole world blind."
~Mahatma Ghandi

FINE!!! JUST RUB IT IN!!!

2006-08-16T14:19:00.000+07:00

"Bitterness cannot walk alongside love."

-Bradley Hathaway

Well that was short lived....

2006-08-16T14:04:00.000+07:00

So I decided I hated you. I decided we just could not be friends. Not EVER again, any more.
I decided that I was just going to be bitter. That I would just hate you forever and ever and ever; without you ever knowing, because I just can't possibly get over something that bothers me about you.
But even though you have absolutely no idea, and probably would never catch on, even if I said something, you were still nice to me.
And right now, you completely crumbled me, just by posting up a picture of the two of us.
Fine then.

Just to add...

2006-08-07T13:51:00.000+07:00

Right now, I'm too angry for this. At this moment I would rather Justice than Grace.

Matthew 20:1-16 NKJV
"For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. {2} "Now when he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. {3} "And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the marketplace, {4} "and said to them, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went. {5} "Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did likewise. {6} "And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing idle, and said to them, 'Why have you been standing here idle all day?' {7} "They said to him, 'Because no one hired us.' He said to them, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right you will receive.' {8} "So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, 'Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.' {9} "And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. {10} "But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius. {11} "And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, {12} "saying, 'These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.' {13} "But he answered one of them and said, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? {14} 'Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. {15} 'Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?' {16} "So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen."

This parable holds two truths in tension -
1) God is absolutely sovereign and will do what He wants
2)The He is always faithful to His promises. The workers were promised a denarius and they received it. God keeps His word. On the other hand they tried to pin God to their concept of natural justice - that if one hours work earns one denarius then surely twelve hours work deserves more.

But God is not one to be told what He should give people, rather He gives according to His will. This "according to His will" aspect of God is hard for most people to accept. When God is good to my fellow missionary, who may not have worked as hard as I have or made the sacrifices I have made how do I feel? Do I say "hallelujah" or do I go green with envy? What happens inside me when "the missionary next door" gets invited to speak at the big conference or the novice missionary raises someone from the dead and has a revival ? Can I cope with a God who gives blessings, when He wants, to whom He wants, and in the amount he wants? This idea that we can receive blessings from God that we don't in any way deserve, and could never in a million years deserve, is an idea that rocks the spiritual universe to its very foundations.

We are used to Law, we are used to the idea of God with a record book, and in our pride we want to believe that our little blessings were very much deserved. We want God to act with some sort of easily understood proportional justice not His unpredictable grace. We want a God who follows our regulations and is not more generous to the person next door. Fortunately for us God is God and gives His gifts according to His will which is full of love.

What do I mean "fortunately for us"? Because we have a very lop-sided internal balance sheet. In our own minds we add up all our good deeds and sacrifices and fail to subtract all our sins, failings, unbelief, grumblings and general short-comings. Our balance sheet is not so good or deserving as we imagine ( well at least mine isn't). To have a God who is good to us, who is unpredictably gracious, who suddenly pops up with lavish generosity to undeserving people - is welcome news indeed. The eleventh hour laborers were far less deserving - they just received grace. And it is this grace that caused the reaction that Jesus called "the eye of evil". The envious reaction of comparing rewards - is evil. And in ministry lavish grace often provokes feelings of envy and resentment. How does the pastor of a small church in a community feel when a new church opens in town and suddenly booms and has a revival and he simply keeps on going at the same level. Does the pastor say "the new church is a cult' or invent rumors about sexual immorality or criticize its doctrine or its practices. I have seen all of these envious reactions - and they are evil, and they divide the body of Christ.

This dynamic of unpredictable grace also applies to spiritual gifts which are given simply by grace "according to His will" : (1 Corinthians 12:11 NKJV) But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.(Hebrews 2:4 NKJV) God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will? I have known people who prayed every day for ten years for the gift of tongues or healing without ever receiving them. Others pray fervently for a miraculous event or spiritual opening in their tribal group and never see it.

Grace and spiritual gifts simply won't be commanded. Yet we are to seek spiritual gifts ( 1 Corinthians 14:1) and to seek openings from God for our ministry and there are spiritual principles that make it more likely that they will be given. You cannot deserve a miracle but you can ask for one! There are even times when you can almost "surf the waves of grace" and everything you ask for just happens. God is not unjust. You will always get what He has promised you. You will always get your denarius. But the splashes of grace are God's to give - and ours to seek with open, grace-celebrating hearts. I think God is more generous to those who rejoice with others. I don't think He gives much to those with "evil eyes" and who have resentment, envy and grumbling in their hearts.

Grace should delight us, no matter to whom it is given. Good on them, praise the Lord - for the chap going to the big conference and the novices miracle and the new church's revival. Praise the Lord for the new Christian with a powerful anointing from God or for the successful evangelist. Praise the Lord for the next door neighbors new car given by his rich uncle. And praise the Lord for the promotion of others. Perhaps this has struck a chord with you, perhaps you have been envious of grace. Why not confess it now and be done with it - and ask the Lord for a new, grace-loving, goodness-celebrating heart that delights in the blessings of others!

Blessings,
John Edmiston
Asian Internet Bible Institute
http://www.aibi.ph/
Free Online Bible And Ministry Training

The Parable of the Landowner

2006-08-07T13:05:00.000+07:00

Bitter waters run deep
And the fig tree that once bore much fruit
Is posioned

I hate that there are people that do not work for a living.
Who are not independant adults. Who still rely on their parents, even after marriage.
I hate that there are people who do not do the work for the money they are given.

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

2006-07-14T03:36:00.000+07:00

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
- Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
- Theodore, age 8

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the ..1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.
- Ricky, age 10

Yeah, that's right. We got Big Foot, baby!

2006-07-11T11:40:00.000+07:00

Spotlight: Supernatural sightings?

09 Jul 2006

If a toyol is bothering you, or your neighbourhood is being terrorised by a jin, who do you call? No, not the ghostbusters but the P-Team.

THEY are a team like no other and their members are made up of religious teachers and healers from Malaysia and neighbouring countries.

They are the paranormal team, but unlike the A-Team or the SWAT team, their job is rather unique.

Believe it or not, they deal with beings and happenings not many would want to encounter, in the seen and unseen world.

According to ustaz Safuan Abu Bakar, the team has captured beings ranging from mermaids, toyols and jins to the legendary Bigfoot that is making a name for itself in Johor.

Safuan said the P-Team had tracked down and captured a Bigfoot about six-foot tall in Cambodia three years ago.

"We will be bringing it down for an exhibition here as soon as we have enough money to make the transport arrangements," promised Safuan, 48.

"The team members come from Malaysia and neighbouring countries like Indonesia and Cambodia and we go wherever we are needed."

While most people would brush off these beings as mere myths, Safuan said he has encountered enough of these beings to know they are real.

"Take mermaids, for example. Whatever lives on land lives in the sea, too.

"There are lions and horses on land, so there are also sea lions and horses. Mermaids are like women who live in the sea."

How did the P-Team manage to capture a mermaid? Safuan said they tracked it down in a neighbouring country using mandram (magic) and yellow rice to draw it to the surface.

"Everyone knows of mermaids but most of the time, these creatures are portrayed as beautiful young women. But we have yet to see one that fits this description."

A mermaid, he explained, is "born" maybe once in a thousand years.

Safuan said the mermaid on display at the exhibition looks the same as it did when it was captured.

"An Australian wanted to buy it for RM300,000, but we cannot sell something as rare and special as this."

Safuan said the paranormal team was formed in 1993 and its latest mission was to capture a jin two months ago.

"During our missions, many of us have had bizarre and unexplainable experiences. But we pray and meditate before embarking on our missions and so far, none of us has been harmed.

"Most of us are also vegetarians and undergo a lot of spiritual preparation."

Safuan said the most common supernatural being the team has encountered is the toyol.

"Recently, a village was terrorised by a toyol and we assisted them in capturing the creature.

"The funny thing is when a toyol steals from a person’s wallet, it would not take all the money, unlike a human who would steal everything."

Safuan said all the exhibits were real and he welcomed any scientist or interested party to conduct experiments to prove they were not genuine.

"We have X-rays and DNA results to support our claims. Besides, some exhibits till today still emit the same smell as they did when we captured them.

"There are beings in the seen and unseen world. For those who don’t believe... it’s up to them."

2006-07-07T17:39:00.000+07:00

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is GOOD.
And I have to be up for work in 3 hours...

I always miss the fireworks....

2006-07-06T14:28:00.000+07:00

So I spent the 4th of July in the ER. I learned that high fevers for a long time really are a problem and chicken noodle soup and a cold shower isn't gonna do anything to lower 103 temp. I also learned that Adam is the sweetest man alive, and although he did laugh at me for a good 20 minutes when I had to wear a face mask, I've never been taken better care of.
I think I'll get sick more often.:)
But I did get to see some fireworks, when we were in the car on the way to the hospital.
Evergreen really is becoming our second home. They asked about my brother and my cousin. Aie.
Now I have many antibiotics and all sorts of fever reducing sugar coated pills to keep me happy, but what I really need is one to take care of work. KJSDFHSKDJFHSKFHSD
I got called THREE times by 6:30 this morning by the same woman asking if I could "come into work yet?" NO. Why are you not understanding I am infectious and spent yesterday evening in a hospital gown wearing a face mask and having to pee in a little cup?!?! NO NO NO NO!!!
But I'm okay now. And my fever is gone! I still really don't want to go to work yet...
I really miss Lauren. Lauren I miss you. Please don't leave me yet.
So I'm going to ask for a raise. I am VERY nervous, but am getting paid crap. I would really rather not have to look for another job, but I really can't afford to be paid so little, especially when worked overtime and not compensated. Wish me luck.
I'm frustrated with my kid, trying to overdose on asprin to make a point. WHO DOES THAT?!?! Why can't she break things instead of trying to off herself? Jesus please slap her to attention cause I don't want her to go.
Need seep

2006-06-22T02:43:00.000+07:00

Can you just be in love with me please?

Today

2006-06-19T16:00:00.000+07:00

(Finally) went to church with Tori and Suzie. Made me realize that I need to go forever
Went to watch a Cricket game with the Demos familia -- our side lost
Dinner at very yummy restaurant that I can't remember the name of. Learned NOT to get the eclairs thing for yourself. (Also learned about ingrown toenails and a woman who got her nose bit off by a dog)
Borrowed Adams car, went to go rescue Julie wandering around the streets of Seattle at midnight.
Brought Tori and Zoe with (she MIGHT have peed in the car, but we're not sure...Zoe the cat, not Tori the human)
Got very lost.
Talked with the po po a couple times. I like police in America. They're nice.
Talked with Adam even more times since we couldn't remember what the police told us...
Finally found Julie and her new pimp friends
Got lost again
Talked (frantically) with Adam some more
Found the way home, but saw a Denny's, got distracted and ended up getting pancakes
Made friends with a very twitchy man
2:15 am, made it home

I wish my Dad were here to have spent it with him...

2006-06-18T03:31:00.000+07:00

We joined Curves....
Hahahahahahhahahahahahahaahhahaahahahhahahahahahahaha
Help...

I Pity the Foo'

2006-06-14T14:18:00.000+07:00

I am stubborn and sensitive. So if you make me upset, I will be upset for a LONG TIME.
It's just better if things go my way...
Duh.
Sucks to be my friend. Hah.

2006-06-14T14:15:00.000+07:00

I'm NEVER waiting on something because someone else tells me I should EVER AGAIN.

Lost the shoes of my dreams.

Gonna go pout and blame everyone else for a bit...

Stalling...

2006-06-13T04:07:00.000+07:00

I don't want to go to work.
I'm tired, cranky and a little sick.
I keep browsing through friends' myspace pages and gasping because 'when I was their age I NEVER dressed like that', except I most certainly did. I just keep forgetting they've gotten older too.
I hate money, I hate being taken advantage of, and right now I'm really fed up with mothers who forget who they're actually supposed to be mothering. Raising a kid is not supposed to involve some sort of popularity contest, and it DEFINATELY doesn't involve trying to be their best friend to keep you young.
Ugh.
I wish I could have all the money my selfish little heart desires so I could buy whatever I fancied, support my parents, live in a dream house, have as many children as I could manage without forgetting their names, and finally be able to save the world. I would stop child trafficking, global warming and high gas prices. No one would be homeless, hungry or unloved. I would become Miss America, and then Miss Universe. I would travel to the moon and work on plans for building an eco-friendly community there.
Then when I've done all that and my children are grown and off saving the world as we've taught them, my husband and I will move to Indonesia and spend the rest of our days in loin-cloths and hunting with one of the many unreached tribes.
I think I would like that very much.

2006-05-22T15:41:00.000+07:00

The whole of the pattern is greater than the sum of it's parts
I didn't think math could be that interesting

HOLY CRAP I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL!

2006-05-05T14:12:00.000+07:00

For this year.................

Global Night Commute

2006-05-01T13:33:00.000+07:00

We sure did. Don't think I'll be doing anything like that ever again.
Never been more miserable in my life.
And never been more thankful for that awareness either.

Some pics

My Boyfriend beats Your Boyfriend

2006-04-30T01:45:00.000+07:00

Yeah, that's me. And yeah my artsy-fartsy lover did it.

Dear Lauren,

2006-04-26T14:49:00.000+07:00

The way you are is good enough. Even for those very things that you hate, you are good enough. In fact, it is those very things that are often parts of what and why we love you.
If you were any other way, I don't think my heart could love you as much as it does now.
Because I love you for you.
Your proud friend,
Abi

2006-04-25T13:34:00.000+07:00

Tonight the stars shine for me

Move it

2006-04-25T12:20:00.000+07:00

It's this weekend.
GO!
www.invisiblechildren.com

2006-04-20T00:49:00.000+07:00

sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick
jkghdskjfhdskg

Quote of the Day

2006-04-17T23:56:00.000+07:00

"Back in Vietnam nobody looked like me, but everyone thought like me. Here in America everyone looks like me, but no one thinks like me."

-Gideon Copple

Interesting

2006-04-17T23:37:00.000+07:00

"Here single missionaries make a mistake. Because they remain sexual beings they think their dedication is inadequate. Some ask God to remove sexual feelings if they are not going to marry. This, of course, God will not do, for it would make them less than human."
-Marjory Foyle (Foyle 1987, 139-40)

I came across this little excerpt while doing some reading for class. It reminded me of way back in the day when a young man had told me he had prayed that God would either take away his feelings for me, or make them grow bigger. At the time I didn't really understand why I felt that wasn't very smart, nor healthy, so this was reassuring to come upon.
The passage continues on to explain how instead of asking for things that won't happen, divert your attention elsewhere, fulfill your needs in work.
Sound advice.

2006-04-06T12:38:00.000+07:00

Tonight Brittnay gave me a rose.
I needed it.

Quote of the Day

2006-04-06T09:14:00.000+07:00

"You might not believe in God, but it's a good thing I do, otherwise I'd kill you and take everything you own."
-Professor Daniel Rice

'bout to bite through my tongue

2006-04-05T14:45:00.000+07:00

Pick your battles, Abi.
Pick your battles.

Next time I'm not bothering.

2006-04-05T00:30:00.000+07:00

I always thought I was totally fine with any last minute schedule changes. I guess I'm not as spontaneous as I thought I was, because now when I get up danged early to try and look somewhat pretty for someone who doesn't really notice, for stuff that isn't going to be done any more, that I thought was, and prepared for, but didn't know was not going to happen until after I've wasted all this time, I just get incredibly frustrated. Probably because I can think of a whole list of things that I could have been doing instead.
But do I say anything?
No.

2006-04-04T02:00:00.000+07:00

My Lauren comes home soon
And I can't wait

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000+07:00

I am a woman.
I love that I was made to be beautiful.
That I am what legends, songs, myths and art are all made of.
I am created to be cherished.
I am sought after, adored, fought for, dreamt of, and meant as a completion for another.
I am beauty in itself; a complexity in my frailty and immaculate strength.
I am a memory that will linger on long after I am gone.
Because I am a woman.

Where was I? Wherever you left me...

2006-03-27T15:13:00.000+07:00

It's been a long time since my head stopped completely.
Can't tell if this is good or not since I can't feel anything.
Guess it doesn't matter

For light does the darkness most fear

2006-03-25T16:40:00.000+07:00

Hands
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken

We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

2006-03-23T02:35:00.000+07:00

Followmefollowmefollowmefollowme

____________ down

down

__________down

___________________________________________________

I am disgusted with YOU

2006-03-22T16:47:00.000+07:00

My turtle!

2006-03-21T00:19:00.000+07:00

Hmmm

2006-03-17T23:17:00.000+07:00

Wow.
Wow wow wow wow wow wow wow.
The longer I am here, the more I see cultural misunderstandings. It makes ME mad whenever I hear of someone yelling at someone else for something they've done, that would make perfect sense had people just took the time to realize that's how one culture does it.
I am suprised world cultures are not taught in schools; America is made up of people from all over the world. Why isn't any one picking up on that?
It'd be nice for America to lose it's title of "Ignorant Nation", but that means somethings got to be done.

Way back then...

2006-03-17T08:31:00.000+07:00

I found a list that I had made about American guys when I first moved here.
It made me laugh.

-Culturally expected they do more for females

that could have easily been done without help,

however it appears that American girls think
they are incapable.
-Dress like girls
-Humour is very corny
-Stick to their "own kind" which is determined
by what they wear
-More relationships, less friends

Numbers

2006-03-14T14:40:00.000+07:00

Some moments I am First.
Other times I am Third, Fourth, or even Fifth
Occasionally I am Last.
Sometimes it hurts
That I am so far behind;
Other times it doesn't.

But it always hurts when I am Second.

In This Life

2006-03-13T01:35:00.000+07:00

Let me show you what I'm made of
Good intentions are not enough
To get me though today and this life.
You're in the basement watching the TV,
I'm on the second floor watching the ceiling.
We sleep underneath the same big sky at night.
I dream the same dream we can fly
You can run from me
You can hide form me
But I am right beside you
In this life.
Let me tell you who you really are
You're my comfort
You're not a superstar
I can reach up and bring you back down to the ground
And give you everything you dream about
You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.
I'll give you all the things that I never get
Give you all I have and have no regret
Take you to the places that I've never been
Forgive you all the things that you cant forget
Take away the pain with my healing hands
Wash away your sins and set your spirit free
You can run from me
You can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life.
Let me show you what I'm made of

Futures

2006-03-08T13:24:00.000+07:00

So I've had a lot of time to think and here are some things that I've thought
When I'm finally out of Northwest, I'd like to go to another school and take nursing classes.
I'd like to become a midwife.
I'd like to learn massage and spend the summer loving on AIDS patients.
It probably won't be possible this year, but I'd still like to.
I'd like to get married some day.
I'd like to go back home and live there for a few years,
But I'm starting to realize I think home will be on another continent entirely, and that's okay.
I'd like to live near family. Any family, really.
I want my children to be close like me and my brother are
I want them to be close to my brother's children too, just like my cousins are with us
I'd like to be a foster mom for as long as I possibly can.
I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life in a little village or tribe, maybe never speaking English again.
And I'd be happy.

My Brother is my Favourite Person in Existance

2006-03-02T02:45:00.000+07:00

I love this song

2006-03-01T18:27:00.000+07:00

To Zion
Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what I had been chosen to perform
But then an angel came one day
Told me to kneel down and pray
For unto me a man child would be born
Woe this crazy circumstance
I knew his life deserved a chance
But everybody told me to be smart
Look at your career they said,
"Lauryn, baby use your head"
But instead I chose to use my heart

Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion

How beautiful if nothing more
Than to wait at Zion's door
I've never been in love like this before
Now let me pray to keep you from
The perils that will surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun
And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I'm reminded every time I see your face

That the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion

Marching, marching, marching to Zion
Marching, marching
Marching, marching, marching to Zion
Beautiful, beautiful Zion

Miserable...

2006-03-01T17:00:00.000+07:00

Dear Lord,
I'm sorry I am vain. And I know I shouldn't be so upset, because at least I have my hair. And a lot of people don't. But I think I might be one of them in the morning. Except I would look even worse. Please please please please please please fix it. I know I'm a silly little girl, but I'm so sick of hating my head.
If I do end up shaving my head tonight, please let it not look too awful... or if so, please let my professors believe I was undergoing chemo and need assignments off... that would be nice.
Thanks.
Abi

2006-02-27T15:15:00.000+07:00

Tonight was a good night

I fell in Love again

Come One, Come All

2006-02-27T15:10:00.000+07:00

http://invisiblechildren.com/theMovement/globalNightCommute/

"Miss Abi" Once Again

2006-02-26T14:49:00.000+07:00

I started a new job last week and went in for training Thursday morning. I sat with my new four-year old class, and spent most of the morning with Micheal cuddling on my lap. He was quite fascinated with my zipper and had to be reminded a few times that my chest was not to be touched, but aside from that I think he is one of my favourites. At one point he looked up at me and asked, "Are you black?" I answered no, and that I was more of a pinkish colour. He then laid his head back down on my shoulder and sighed "You're a wonderful teacher..." He made my day.
Friday I started my first day of work waking up 8 boys and one very naked little girl from naptime. Lindsay had not only peed her pants, she had also wet the spare "oopsies" pants, her underwear, tights, socks, and shoes. She apparantly really had to go. Out came the handy-dandy hair dryer and the room got to reek of urine for the rest of the day.
I have decided that Luke shall be my favourite. He is so quiet and reserved, but the most gentle and sweetest little boy I have ever encountered. I love seeing him smile.

Woooooooooooooo relief

2006-02-26T04:04:00.000+07:00

Today I am very thankful for my Uterus.

2006-02-24T11:39:00.000+07:00

I keep thinking you'll fill me. I keep grasping, eating every bit of you that I can grab, but it leaves me feeling emptier than before, often sick. And then I'm angry at you because I'm not getting what I need, what I want, and I don't understand it.

So...

2006-02-23T16:51:00.000+07:00

Even ugly girls get told they're beautiful by their friends. So how do we know if we really ARE actually pretty and it's not just what your friends tell you cause they like you and think you have a swell personality? What if I'm just really ugly and no one has the decency to tell me?

2006-02-23T16:26:00.000+07:00

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!

Do you want to?

2006-02-22T16:08:00.000+07:00

Yes.
And I'm going to.
So get ready
Here it comes _________________

I wish You could touch Me

2006-02-22T16:00:00.000+07:00

My eyelids lie gently closed, a crust between keeps them fused, despite the relaxed muscles. My face is sticky and drying, my lips becoming more chapped with every inhalation. My throat dry and raw, my nose rendered useless while my head throbs.
They plucked out my eyes.
My left eye sees the gnarled hands stained and graying, yellow with disease. Cupped together they are piled high with eyeballs. I see them clearly.
But no. My eyes are gone. This is merely just a flicker of remaining nerve endings struggling with their last flashes of sight. There are no other images. Did I really watch as my eyes were added to her hands? I reach out to search for mine, but then remember I cannot see to find the right ones.

I can no longer tell when my eyes are open.

2006-02-22T15:15:00.000+07:00

Please hold on to me Lord, because I can't keep holding on much longer.

The Harlem Globetrotters

2006-02-22T00:51:00.000+07:00

My Heroes since before I could speak English. Here. On the same continent as me. In the same STATE as me. THIS WEEK.
And I can't go.

Well that was a waste of makeup

2006-02-20T09:13:00.000+07:00

Lonely and homesick...
I need people.

Thank you

2006-02-18T17:55:00.000+07:00

When something occurs that brings back memories of before, it's too much for me. But now, instead of feeling myself go dead and having to pick up a knife to punish myself, you reach out for me. You curl me up in your arms and hold me, whispering that you love me. You remind me that it's okay to feel, it's okay to cry.
And then I'm okay.

I miss me

2006-02-18T17:33:00.000+07:00

I miss my old accent
I miss being amazed at seeing my breath
I miss my vocabulary that I can't use here since no one knows what I'm talking about
I miss the old understanding and knowledge of how things work and are
I miss the way we were friends, because it doesn't seem to really work as well over here
I miss not being bitter or cynical
I miss the way things just made sense, or even if they didn't, you went along with it anyways because it worked
I miss my family.

2006-02-18T17:10:00.000+07:00

Tonight I visited yesterday, and all the ones before.
There were moments where I regarded you in fear, since back then you belonged to what I didn't know. And in those briefest flights I worried that maybe you would return, leaving you unknown once again.
How could my heart let you slip away?

Quote of the Day

2006-02-18T10:47:00.000+07:00

"Pray that Kenneth will be delivered from homosexuality and will find employment"
Apparantly you can't be gay AND have a job...
-Chapel

2006-02-10T10:09:00.000+07:00

To me, the saying
"You thatched your own roof and now you must not run out of your house if it rains"
has always made more sense than
"You've made your bed, now lay in it."

A Valentines Poem from Tori

2006-02-09T10:45:00.000+07:00

(Which she found online)

ABBY

Author: Clinton Followell

Every time we embrace,
I go to that far away place
When we just walk hand in hand.
I’m in never, never land.

Whenever I look into your eyes,
I begin to get butterflies,
Then my heart skips a beat,
And our lips passionately meet.
(no no no!)

You are always on my mind,
Your face is all it can find.
I think about you every day
And know it’ll all work out some how, some way.

2006-02-08T15:59:00.000+07:00

I read an article Robb had on his site about abortion and my heart wept. How did we fall so far from the truth?

I rollercoaster for you...

2006-02-07T17:06:00.000+07:00

2006-02-05T15:12:00.000+07:00

Grits signed my eyepatch

Bet you wished you had one

2006-02-01T15:35:00.000+07:00

It Is These Things

2006-01-30T15:56:00.000+07:00

It is these things that I am most afraid of:
That I am not good enough
That you've already begun to lose interest
That you don't fill me up no matter how many times I drink
That my family will die
That I'm not worth it, whatever "it" may be
That some day you'll wake up and decide this wasn't really what you wanted after all
That I'll be alone
That everything I've worked for will turn out to be a success in all the wrong things

Not your typical Sunday afternoon...

2006-01-16T17:22:00.000+07:00

http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_011506WABrestaurantcrashJK.79f9451.html

2006-01-15T16:42:00.000+07:00

Every morning at EXACTLY 4:17, the whale goes off. Someone help.

So Unsexy

2006-01-15T16:41:00.000+07:00

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me

Isaiah 35:3-4

2006-01-15T10:42:00.000+07:00

"Make the weak hands strong and the weak knees steady. Say to people who are frightened, `Be strong. Don't be afraid. Look, your God will come, and he will punish your enemies. He will make them pay for the wrongs they did, but he will save you"' (NCV)

2006-01-07T12:24:00.000+07:00

I want to go home.

Incident of the Day:

2005-12-09T12:00:00.000+07:00

This afternoon at work, while taking my shoes off at the door, Hunter looked up at me wistfully and says, "Abuh-gayle, I wish I could fit in your nose..."
I blinked for a while and then agreed.

Not Why but How?

2005-12-08T16:41:00.000+07:00

Oh Father...
How could it? How does such evil happen?
I no longer need to know why. But How?!
My tears are not just from sorrow but from rage.
For as far back as I can remember, there has always been the hot anger burning black under my skin.
And it wasn't until you chipped away at my charred flesh that I heard something that left me sunken below anger, with nothing to hold onto any more.
Except You.

There is this story, of an alley somewhere in Southeast Asia, known for the evil that goes on in it. For a price, anything you want you can have in "Snake Alley", dubbed so by the practice of occultic snake rituals. A European woman, not too long ago, went in and rescued a 6 month old baby girl from the arms of a man covered in snake venom, and blood, about to plunder her.
When I heard this, the same rage returned. If I had met that man, nothing would cause me to hesitate to kill him, as brutally as possible.
But the storyteller continued, and asked "What had happened to make that man to be as reduced as he was? How had be been reduced to destroying something else?"
And for the first time in my life I wept for a victim that I never realized was there.

For Princess

2005-12-08T16:20:00.000+07:00

This song has been posted before. But it's worth bringing up again. Princess, this isn't the same one I quoted a line for you from, but I thought of you when listening to it tonight.

Paper Hanger
Not one motion of her gesture could I forget
The prettiest bag lady I ever met
Pushing her cart in the rain
Then gathering plastic and glass
She watched the day pass
Not hour by hour
But pain by pain
If I was a basket filled with holes
Then she was the sand I tried to hold
And ran out behind me
As I swung with some invisible hands

I stopped believing, you start to move
She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine
I stopped my leaving and the better man bloomed
And you can pour us out and we won't mind

I was dead, then alive
She was like wine turned to water and turned back to wine
You can pour us out, we won't mind
A scratch around the mouth of the glass
My life is no longer mine

If you're still looking for a blanket
Sweetie, I'm sorry, I'm no sort of fabric
But if you need a tailor
Then take your torn shirt, and stumble up my stairs
And mumble your pitiful prayers
And in your tangled night's sleep, our midnight needles go to work
Until all comfort and fear flows in one river
Down on the shelf by the mirror where you see yourself whole
And it makes you shiver

I stopped believing, you start to move
She was like wine turned to water then turned back to wine
I stopped my leaving and the better man bloomed
And you can pour us out and we won't mind

I was dead, then alive
She was like wine turned to water and turned back to wine
You can pour us out, we won't mind
A scratch around the mouth of the glass
My life is no longer mine

Our lives our not our own
Even the wind lays still
All I felt was fire and cold
And movement, movement
If they ask you for a sign of the Father
Tell them it's movement, movement and repose
-Mewithoutyou

Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet?

2005-12-03T14:00:00.000+07:00

I asked You to teach me to love with Great Love. And heaven knows, you gave me plenty of opportunities.
But I couldn't do it. I thought at the time I managed to. But I can't keep it up. I'm not able to look past everything. Something in me changed. I said I forgave, yet I can't look with the same eyes as I used to. With Trust.
And as I struggled to I became what I hate; Complacent. It's only now, in fear of that, do I think about what has become of us.
And I am crying because I had to come so far in this self-preservation indifference before I realized that this indifference isn't right. It gets me through the moment, but there was a time when we were close. When we were like sisters. Oh Father, what happened to us?!
Lord, this time I ask for something different. I ask that You help me love You with Great Love. Then You can fix this.

Let It All Out
Let it all out (get it all out)
Rip it out, remove it
Don't be alarmed, when the wound begins to bleed

'Cause we're so scared to find out (what this life's all about)
So scared we're gonna lose it
And knowing all along
That's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh inconsistent me, crying out for consistency

And you said "I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

And I'll let it be known (at times I have shown)
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me, there is strength

And you promised me (that you believe)
in time I will defeat this
'Cause somewhere in me, there is strength

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

And you said "I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear,
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

And you said "I know that this will hurt (I know this will hurt)
but if I don't break your heart, then things will just get worse. (things will get much worse)
When the burden seems too much to bear, (seems too much to bear)
remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

Reach out to me
Make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you, for you

And I know you know
You touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart
and made it light
-Relient K

2005-12-01T04:41:00.000+07:00

This is where I will go.
http://www.cnn.com/video/partners/clickability/index.html?url=/video/world/2005/11/30/koinange.darfur.genocide.ap

But all I did was sleep!!!!

2005-11-29T11:32:00.000+07:00

Last night I had a nightmare that I was in a huge brawl with six girls that I had grown up with from way back. Sarah Veal, Devi and Thida Leiper, Mariel Mendoza, Namphoun, and Diana Pascual were all beating me up while trying to mug me, except I fought back using my key chain with my keys between my knucles. It was bloody.
Today I wake up and can barely move. My butt, legs, arms and neck are so sore and stiff from my interactive dream fight.
Wow.

"Once Upon a Time" Or as the story goes...

2005-11-29T01:18:00.000+07:00

Sometimes I worry that I'm not female enough.
Yes, I dress up. I like looking pretty and attractive, but that doesn't mean I'll shy away from running around outside or wrestling, or eating a cricket as a dare just because I look like I shouldn't.
I am feminine. But I don't want to live in a Castle. I don't want to have unicorns or sparkling fairies or be dressed in miles of swirling pink fabric and flounce from place to place. I don't want a fairy God-mother. I don't want to live in a Fairy-tale. Because that's just it. It's a fairy-tale. It's made up. And spending all your time wishing for something that'll never happen means you're missing out on everything that IS happening.
I don't want a Prince Charming on his white steed taking me to the royal ball in my pink flouncy gown. I want a best friend whom I can wrestle with, talk to about anything, go swing dancing with, be real with.
I don't want a fairy Godmother to wave her magical wand and be given glass slippers when I can have a dinner with a family where we spend the whole evening laughing and enjoying each others company, and I have more fun that one meal than I've had in months. Or my own family where each meal is like that, and Christmas' spent in my favourite place in the world with the people I love the most, spending weeks together. That doesn't even compare to something made up, no matter what I could potentially get out of it.
I don't want a Castle. I want a Home. Where meals are spent in laughter, where stories are told, where you cry and argue and love and learn and grow and just be together.
A cold building with thousands of empty rooms could never give me that, no matter how big and beautiful the grounds are, or how great your imagination is.
Some times when I hear other girls talking about their fairy-tale dreams I worry that maybe I don't measure up as what a girl really should be. Am I not fanciful enough?
I don't want that stuff, I never did. So when I listen to all these other girls and their fantasies, I think "they must be happier because they want all these girlie things". But then I think back over my life and of all that is in store for me, and I realize, no. Being overtly fanciful doesn't make you more feminine. It just means you're less realistic.
I have life, and I'm living it. I don't live in a make-believe world and base reality on what is completely illogical, unpractical, and nonexistant. I'm choosing to get everything I possibly can out of this life. They can have their dreams; I want living.
And I think I am the happier.

Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love

2005-11-27T15:27:00.000+07:00

Happy

Genesis 1

2005-11-27T13:57:00.000+07:00

Alright all you Bible-brainiacs, answer me this: Were we meant to be vegetarians?

^{Genesis 1:29-30}

Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so.

:)

2005-11-23T13:37:00.000+07:00

I'm too weak to swim any more

2005-11-20T12:56:00.000+07:00

Gut me.
Please.

I wouldn't want a last name like yours anyways...

2005-11-17T17:11:00.000+07:00

Welcome back old wounds! I thought I'd kissed you goodbye.
Don't tell me you love me, because you don't. I don't even know you any more.
I just know what you were, and you've denied that profusely.
Until tonight.
And now I don't know what to do with myself.
So what if the wounds hadn't healed properly?! They healed, didn't they?!
So why the hell are you ripping them open again?
Please, please just tell me the truth.
Tell me why?
I want you to put my face to every other girl you know. You want to love them? Protect them. Remember me, and protect THEM.
How could I have done that to myself? I was so foolish, so naive, so desparate for a rescue...
You no longer have my heart, but why does it still hurt?

"I like Lauren, Yes I do! I like Lauren, How 'bout you?"

2005-11-17T16:32:00.000+07:00

Tonight was fun...

I'd like to know if I've screwed myself over...

2005-11-16T14:43:00.001+07:00

Doubts left and right. I don't know what to hold fast to. Is this doubt or intuition? Would things be clearer without the emotional ties? Ahh Father! Show me what the heck to believe!

Blood on the moon...

2005-11-14T16:29:00.000+07:00

Sometimes my past hits me in an overwhelming flood
And I'm left gasping in panic.
Like tonight when I saw the moon and it's full red ring.
I remembered nights where I'd lie wide awake cowering in my bed until the sun would first touch the skies,
And I would be safe again.
I remember skin turning ice-cold and the fear that came with the impossibility of it, for this was the tropics after all, and we had no air conditioning.
And then the sickening in my stomach in dread for what was coming.
I remember whispers and hisses and the feel of the hair on my body standing on end.
My heart filling my ears as I kept my eyes clenched shut and my face hidden under my sheets.
I remember the glint of staring yellow eyes belonging to a small man who would come some nights to stand beside my bed, eye-level with me.
Even now, on the other side of the world, I can still taste the terror.
And my heart is pounding.
When will the night be a time of rest for me Lord? When will I ever sleep, untouched? It's been years since I've felt rested, Father. Years. I want no more dreams, no more memories, no more FEAR. Just for once, rest.

It's 12:59 am

2005-11-14T15:59:00.000+07:00

It's cold

and drizzling

And I just heard a bird sing

Feigned Innocence

2005-11-14T02:36:00.000+07:00

I read something today, about a girl. She was telling a story, just some every day occurance, but in it she uncovered more than she probably ever meant to. I heard her past. Hidden under her words was a glimpse of the times where she'd given herself away to people she meant nothing to.
As I sat there reading, I saw her writing. I watched as her eyes filled with pain before she quickly struggled to cover it and hasten back to her story.
And I cried.
I want what every girl wants. To be beautiful, sought after, admired, but most of all, wanted. After all, it was how we were made to be. But it's not always like that, and we don't often feel that way. And some times I will sell myself because I want that so desparately.
And I hate it.

Hoppipolla

2005-11-08T16:22:00.000+07:00

Close to empty
At times sinking
Other times the hunger
I could hate through it all
Scared, never know his splendor
And later
I could run; falter
Thinking, could he still be here?
How did it occur?
Between me and God's own heir?
In too deep
A hurt still there
A hole in everything
With all this vast stuff to cure
They’ll never know meaning
All people
We can still learn
How could we still turn?
And later
He could still heal you?
Only if I’ve blown this self
And you
And with the doubt still full
You shine into
You shine into her
You shine into me
Only if I’ve blown it myself
Only if I...
Are you still lost from my arms?
You shine so
Here I come
Here you come
My child, how I love you

Who needs babies when you have mice?!?

2005-11-06T15:55:00.000+07:00

I got to be with my favourite kiddos again tonight. The ones that can inhale noodles and poop in the tub. The more I'm with them, the more I find myself just watching them in absolute awe. I have never seen such beautiful creatures in my life. Tonight I sat there amazed at Georgia. I don't think she understands how incredibly intricate the swirls of colour on her little cheeks are.
I think I'll have a baby just so I can stare at it.
BUT INSTEAD I GOT TWO MICE!!!!!
And they shall be called Zorro and Tibet and shall forever be loved.
Amen.

The dog isn't the only one

2005-11-05T11:33:00.000+07:00

An injured dog will growl if you come too close,
And bite if you try to touch it.
But what does that dog need the most?
For someone to tend that wound,
Despite the risk to themselves.

Greater Love hath no man than this...

2005-11-05T04:54:00.000+07:00

What is Love to me?
When you die every single moment of every single day. When you are cut open, bleeding, raw and exposed. When you are torn apart, humiliated and broken. Abandoned by those you love, those that had betrayed you.
And you still reach out for them, to hold them in your arms. And you've laid yourself out so they may come, those that had destroyed you.
That is Love.
I can see why we settle for the part of love that is uncomfortable, and pat ourselves on the back for putting up with an inconveniance, yet never step out further toward that chopping block. I can see why I keep my neck safe.
But what is this in my heart, my soul, that understands this death and quietly yearns for it?
A heart that is broken for you, is restored with parts of you, making it bigger. The more it's broken, the more it becomes yours.
But I'd still rather stay in my confines of pitiful self-righteousness and material sacrifices that mean nothing, because such Love.... do I dare?